For one, none of my friends (that have had children) prepared me for recovery after childbirth. WOW more pain than I imagined and I had a lot of trouble sitting and getting up and down. I have no gauge for what is normal but I would go through pregnancy and four hours of pushing any day if I didn't have to go through the two-three weeks following :-)
Second breastfeeding has been a nightmare. I got very engorged (I think I could nurse multiple children) and that was painful but the real problem has been the sneaky and persistent killer better known as thrush. I have had it for most of the time and it is very very painful. I have done everything imaginable to get rid of it and still it remains. I pray God will remove this challenge but if not soon then breastfeeding will have to end. This makes me sad.
Third Caleb is healthy and beautiful and we couldn't ask for more. However he is what is often called a high maintenance baby. The first two weeks of his life he would/could not sleep without being held (reflux and gagging made it impossible to lay him down). Therefore we were trying to sleep in recliners and well that often doesn't prove restful. And that was if he decided to sleep at all! Everything I read said newborns often sleep 16 hours a day. Not even close to the truth for our situation. My mom often calls him the "energizer baby" because he keeps going and going. In addition and maybe because of his sleeping problems he is also very fussy and what many would label colicky. The book "happiest baby on the block" saved us and helped us to learn to calm him more quickly.
As of the last two weeks he has started to sleep (maybe he feels safe?). The last couple of nights he has actually skipped a nighttime feeding!! We bought this co-sleeper called the SnuggleNest and he really likes it. For a week he slept in it in our bed but now he is in the bassinet in it. We hope to transition him to his crib in it soon. As difficult as it has been I am still sad to be coming up on the end of my maternity leave. I know i will miss holding him even though he is crying a lot of the time!
During these weeks I have felt very far from God so I want to end this blog by being mindful of the ways God has shown he is here even when I feel alone. He has provided us with excellent family and friends. They have brought us meals, came and held him so I can sleep, came when I was at my wits end and needed a break. Sometimes I think Caleb smiles at the most opportune times...just to remind me that it's all worth it. In the last week I started reading my Bible during the early morning feeding and each time He has spoken to me, reminding me and teaching me.
It's Christmas and the message seems to be more powerful to me this year than in the past. "God is with us" even if I don't feel it...Thank you Jesus.
I'm sorry you've had some rough times. If I've learned anything from listening to friends, it's that each pregnancy/delivery/baby brings its' own unique challenges. I don't know if there's any way to be prepared for what yours will be either. So many moms have told me what was awful for them, but that part wasn't awful for me... but then I had my own share of challenges. I'm sure it will just continue to get easier as Caleb grows and changes... I'm glad to hear he's a healthy little guy :) And you're a good mommy :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for being so honest, being a new mom is really hard. Its hard in different ways for everyone. I will pray for God to honor your commitment to breastfeeding even though it has been difficult. I am VERY familiar with the pain of engorgement, but haven't experienced thrush. We have had a lot of challenges this past year and my heart goes out to you, I know what it is like to struggle. Hang in there!!!
ReplyDeleteCourtney~ I really feel for you because everytime you write it feels just like what I would have written with Belle! I thought everyone had lied when they told me about there babies and all the people around me were fake! I think that I was just mad because I wasn't having the same experience, my sister in law was the worst, she was happy all of the time! Your Caleb sounds a lot like Belle was in her infancy. She refused to sleep and had really bad reflux, we had to use meds to make it better! I didn't nurse with her, I just couldn't it was to much for me~ so great for you!!! I am nursing with London and have had thrush, and I hate it!!! It almost made me quit, almost but thankfully it cleared up after time! I also had major engorgement!!! I leaked all of the time and hurt even more of the time! I hated nursing and all the pain it gave me but, and this is important, it all went away! London is 5 months and I have none of those issues anymore! I can't tell you when it happened exactly but I think it was around the end of 2 months! I also had really bad post partum depression! I suspected it in the beginning but didn't want to be that person so I waited. I then read Brook Sheilds Book about the subject and realized that was me! I am not saying that is you but I feel like I should say this because I don't want you to be left in the dark about this subject! I am praying for you and we are only a couple hours away, if you need someone who has been through a lot of the same things to listen and understand what you are going through! Belle is extra fun to have around and I finally started to see that at 6 months, we waited for meds until 5 1/2 months. I am kinda glad it all happened because with London I was ready for the same kinda heck and it was not at all the same!!!! Good luck and know that I am here!!!
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