Energizer Baby

So Caleb will be 7 weeks tomorrow and I have written nothing about my experience as a mom. One of the reasons is obviously lack of time. However if I'm going to be candid it's also because I didn't know what to write without being negative. These last seven weeks have been some of the most challenging of my life.

For one, none of my friends (that have had children) prepared me for recovery after childbirth. WOW more pain than I imagined and I had a lot of trouble sitting and getting up and down. I have no gauge for what is normal but I would go through pregnancy and four hours of pushing any day if I didn't have to go through the two-three weeks following :-)

Second breastfeeding has been a nightmare. I got very engorged (I think I could nurse multiple children) and that was painful but the real problem has been the sneaky and persistent killer better known as thrush. I have had it for most of the time and it is very very painful. I have done everything imaginable to get rid of it and still it remains. I pray God will remove this challenge but if not soon then breastfeeding will have to end. This makes me sad.

Third Caleb is healthy and beautiful and we couldn't ask for more. However he is what is often called a high maintenance baby. The first two weeks of his life he would/could not sleep without being held (reflux and gagging made it impossible to lay him down). Therefore we were trying to sleep in recliners and well that often doesn't prove restful. And that was if he decided to sleep at all! Everything I read said newborns often sleep 16 hours a day. Not even close to the truth for our situation. My mom often calls him the "energizer baby" because he keeps going and going. In addition and maybe because of his sleeping problems he is also very fussy and what many would label colicky. The book "happiest baby on the block" saved us and helped us to learn to calm him more quickly.

As of the last two weeks he has started to sleep (maybe he feels safe?). The last couple of nights he has actually skipped a nighttime feeding!! We bought this co-sleeper called the SnuggleNest and he really likes it. For a week he slept in it in our bed but now he is in the bassinet in it. We hope to transition him to his crib in it soon. As difficult as it has been I am still sad to be coming up on the end of my maternity leave. I know i will miss holding him even though he is crying a lot of the time!

During these weeks I have felt very far from God so I want to end this blog by being mindful of the ways God has shown he is here even when I feel alone. He has provided us with excellent family and friends. They have brought us meals, came and held him so I can sleep, came when I was at my wits end and needed a break. Sometimes I think Caleb smiles at the most opportune times...just to remind me that it's all worth it. In the last week I started reading my Bible during the early morning feeding and each time He has spoken to me, reminding me and teaching me.

It's Christmas and the message seems to be more powerful to me this year than in the past. "God is with us" even if I don't feel it...Thank you Jesus.

D Day

So I'm finally getting around to blogging about the delivery. The weekend prior to d-day I went to a wedding in Chicago. Michael and I had been joking for many weeks that the trip (10 hours in a car) would induce labor and I predicted I would go into labor sometime the week following the trip. Little did we know that I would actually be right! On Sunday after the long trip I started to feel very tired, so tired that we didn't even go to community group. On Monday I woke up and the contractions began. I had them all day and they were pretty frequent and intense and upon going to bed that night I thought "this could be it". I woke up Tuesday morning and no baby. however I felt the most tired I have ever felt in my life and I had the beginnings of a migraine.

That morning i was supposed to take a client to the food pantry. I went and got her but once we got to the pantry I felt so tired I told her I would have to sit in the car! This is very unlike me because I don't generally let my clients in on my personal life and feelings...luckily she understood and went through the process herself. As the day progressed my headache kept getting worse and I kept feeling more and more terrible. My last client kindly informed me "you don't look well. Actually you look like your blood pressure is high. You should have it checked". :) I thanked her for the advice and finished the session. I started thinking "maybe there is some validity in what she is saying...headaches are a sign of high blood pressure (duh)"...so I went to CVS and used the machine and go figure she was right....it was sky high. So I went home, got Michael and went to the pregnancy assessment center where they kept me until 7 pm and got my pressure under control.

The resident did a check and at that point I was fully effaced and 1/2 centimenter dilated. She said she figured the headaches and all were a sign that I would go into labor soon. I don't think she meant 2 hours later!!! So Michael and I went for a walk and ate dinner at a mexican restaurant and then went home and watched Gilmore Girls. We had a really nice night together. Then about 9:15 all of a sudden I felt like I pee'd my pants.....i said "oh no oh no". From that Michael somehow new that meant my water broke and he jumped off the couch, ran upstairs, changed his clothes and was ready to go before I had even gotten to the bathroom. :-) I was in denial and calmly said "well it wasn't too much so lets just wait and see what happens". so we resumed our position on the couch and I got a very intense contraction and then water was running out! At this point I completely freaked out...I started shaking all over and was unable to think staight. As you know once your water breaks you are having a baby there is no turning back....and I guess that reality sank in and i panicked.

After taking way too long to get my things together we got in the car and began the less then 2 mile drive to Barnes. However as we were both under stress Michael (under my direction) got on the wrong interstate and we ended up lost in forest park! it was hilarious and we couldn't stop laughing but at the same time I was gushing water all over our new car and my contractions were very intense (3 minutes apart). Michael dropped me off and I made the walk of shame back up to the pregnancy assessment center, my pants soaking wet and water running down my leg and onto the floor. I'm sure the other people in the elevator with me were totally disgusted. When I got there the nurse said "You're back?" and i explained my water broke and thus began my labor.

After that we sat in the assessment room for a few hours...my contractions slowed and eventually they took us to the delivery room. It took 8 hours for me to dilate 2 more centimeters. Then I dilated 5 centimeters in 30 minutes and at 9:30am it was time to push. At this point I got really emotional because I thought that meant he would be here soon. We even joked that it would be cool if he was born at 10:21 on 10/21. Much to my dismay I ended up pushing for 4 hours. I was exhausting both mentally and physically. Towards the end I started to think everyone was lying to me and we weren't making any progress and I was getting very frustrated. Eventually my contractions pretty much stopped so they had to give me pitocin and 30 minutes later I had Caleb in my arms.

Michael and I were both overcome with emotion when we saw him. It was really special. I stayed in the hospital two days and I must say I'm so glad for that time. I was unprepared for the amount of pain I would be in afterward. We came home on Friday October 23rd. It felt surreal and I was very nervous and scared about doing it on our own...but here we are three weeks later and things are getting a little more comfortable. More to come on the last three weeks soon....

It's the Final Countdown

I don't even have a baby yet and I'm having trouble keeping up with this! I have a little less than a 4 weeks to go and I can't wait!

35 weeks!

We had our baby shower. If you know me at all you know I love Gilmore Girls and loved Lane's baby shower on the show. I think ours was pretty close (minus the onesie painting which I've always wanted to do but it was too expensive). My sister Alyson, Michael's sister Rochelle and our moms planned it and it was so cute. We had a big BBQ and a lot of friends and family came out to celebrate with us. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better day.

We asked the guys to bring diapers and so we are stocked up for while!

Community group girls

I was so excited to finally get everything we registered for so that I could decorate! Caleb's room is small and it's difficult to take pictures of but here are a few different angles.

It seems like there is always something to get done these last few months (life insurance, wills, shopping, returning, cleaning, organizing) . Michael wants to kill me I think but he's been so great.

I'd say for the most part my pregnancy has been pretty easy. It wasn't until the last few weeks have I gotten pretty uncomfortable. I am seeing a chiropractor (my sister's boyfriend) currently because of a ligament strain in my leg due to baby. I think that has been the most problematic and it is still hindering my ability to do much physical activity. Two weeks ago I could barely walk and was at my breaking point in pain. Luckily whatever my chiropractor is doing it is working and I can at least walk a little now and can still work.

As many of you know I was never one of those girls that "was born" to be a mother. As weird as it is to think about now, there were times in my life that I didn't know if I wanted children. But I believe God has a plan, and he provided me with a wonderful husband, and one day that mothering desire/instinct just appeared :-). Now we are TRYING to patiently wait for his arrival knowing very well that our lives will never be the same but more excited than we've ever been about anything! God has already shown me so much about himself through this pregnancy and I have no doubt he will continue to teach me through this baby. Hopefully next time you hear from me Caleb will be here!

sayonara month six

What can I say about the sixth month of pregnancy.......

I really enjoyed it! I think it will be my best month of pregnancy for many reasons. One being that people could tell I was pregnant :) and so they talked to me about it which is always fun. Most of my clients also started asking and so I got some funny responses...

My favorite:

As I walked into my clients house he very seriously says "you are getting chunky". I say "i'm pregnant". He says "oh that makes sense. i didn't want to ask you that in case you weren't and it offended you." I say "and calling me chunky was less offensive". he says "well now that you say it probably not". we then proceded to have a conversation about appropriate communication!

Another client found out I was pregnant and said to me "I thought you were just getting fat. i'm glad that's not the case".

Just like all the books say I felt good physically this month. I still had energy and was able to get things accomplished. Unlike the first trimester when all I wanted to do after work was lay on the couch, this month I enjoyed the summer and got some projects accomplished.

In addition the baby was so active this month and so Michael got to experience him more too. Michael started talking to him more at night and trying to get him to move. In addition the baby started really enjoying church and generally had me jerking and giggling during service because of all the punches and kicks.

I'd say my biggest complaint about the sixth month was heartburn. In my lifetime I have already had my fair share of it and religiously carry around Pepcid Complete.....however this heartburn was like no other! At times it was radiating in my back and shoulder blades and I thought for sure I might die. I am happy to report that has subsided some and I'm hoping it stays that way!

As I write all this, I am already over halfway done with the seventh month which has infinitely more negatives :-) I can't believe how fast time is flying. It seems when you are pregnant you focus on how many more weeks until d-day. Looking back today reminded me that I need to enjoy this experience. I will only be pregnant with my first child one time. And although i'm sure each pregnancy is special, I have a feeling the first is extra special.

Thank you God for the miracle of pregnancy.

Month Five Down

This was fourth of July weekend around 22 weeks

This was just last weekend.....can you believe how much he's grown in 3 weeks :)

This month has not been as eventful but it has been very stressful. Everything with the pregnancy is going well. We got to have another ultrasound because baby was too active in the first one and they could not get enough heart photos. He was a lot bigger so we enjoyed it. I can also feel him now so everytime he moved in the ultrasound I could feel it...that was cool. Everything looks great according to the doctor. And he's definitely a boy :)

So you may be wondering....why has it been stressful? One word can sum it up...WORK. I work in Illinois and many of you may have heard on the news about the budget crises Illinois is currently in. Starting at the end of June we began getting emails stating that many human services programs could be cut as a way to eliminate spending and reduce the deficit. The other option for Illinois was an income tax increase to create revenue to reduce the deficit. Of course most people do not want a tax increase so basically we were preparing to lose our jobs and for most of my clients to return to homelessness and instability. It was very scary because the clients I work with everyday are pretty much as low on the pole as you can get and the cuts would have devastated their life and any progress they have made.

So we(all of us in the human services field) have been advocating all month for a new solution to this problem because the cuts to human services would likely just create more problems. So the solution Illinos congress came to.....borrow money. This solution is hilarious in a sad way to me because it is so American.....lets not deal with the financial problem we are in but instead lets just take out more debt and postpone the inevitable. Needless to say it buys some time for an agreement to be made and allows human services to stay up and running.

As many of you know my job is stressful, emotionally and mentally, on a normal day. Somedays I get off work and think "what am I doing?", "does this even really make a difference", "why should I spend sleepless nights dreaming and worrying about my clients when oftentimes it's their bad decisions that got them there", "why do I even care". All this additional stress has been difficult. We have worried about what will happen if I do lose my job and therefore my insurance. Who would hire a 6 month pregnant woman?

Michael and I are being reminded to trust God and trust that he will provide. We have been praying for the ability to deal with whatever happens, good or bad. We are praying that we can say "blessed be the name of the lord" no matter our circumstances. We are praying for my clients that they could find God and be released from their bondage.

For now that's all I know. I'll keep you posted.

Month Four Escapades

So I realized I have not blogged in forever.....in a couple days I will be 20 weeks (5 months)...which is the half way point! I have had a very busy fourth month so here is what we have been up to.

First things first....ITS A BOY! This is me right before the ultrasound...i was sooo excited I couldn't concentrate all day at work. Michael got jammed up in the parking garage at the doctor's and told me under no circumstances was I to start without him. So the technician came to get me and I told her I had to wait for my husband....they got a kick out of that.

Baby and I were in a wedding....and we did a funny bridal party dance at the reception.

We went to a Cardinal's game...and they won!

Amber came to visit!
And we went up in the arch....630 feet!
We were ambitious and finally got hardwood floors put in. It was two weeks of our house being a complete mess but it was worth it. We decided that this definitely needed to be done before baby is born and before I got too pregnant.

So this is before......
This is during......after we got up the laminate that you see in the previous picture we realized we had some problems with the subfloor. Thank goodness for family!

And here is the finished product!!

So far pregnancy has been an adventure. It's so cool knowing I'm doing all these things and baby is experiencing them too (in some way i guess). Only 20 or so more weeks and we will get to see him and his reactions to new experiences!

Grass, Mothers Day, and 15 Weeks

This was our yard when we bought the house last August. What a hideous bush! This spring none of the already sparse grass grew back :) 

So we planted sod and this is what it looks like now! Also notice my vegetable/flower bed to the right although all the plants are too small to see in this picture. 

This was my first mother's day (kind of). I spent it with my mom and grandma. I like this picture because it's four generations although the fourth is still growing. I can't wait for baby to meet these amazing women in my life. They have shown me what it means to persevere, even when times are difficult. 
And last here is baby at 15 weeks :). Just a small bump now but my pants have gotten tight and uncomfortable. It is so fun each week to read about baby's development and it's amazing to think that it is happening inside of me. I don't see how people could not believe in God after going through pregnancy. Every part of this, even the seemingly annoying things, exist to protect and nurture the baby. Thank you God for this miracle of life. Thank you for allowing me to experience your creativity, sovereignty,  and love through this process.

My first blog ever!

This weekend was crazy! On Saturday I decided to go for a walk with my dog Sammi. We were almost home in the alley behind our house when a stray dog came up behind us. Before I knew it Sammi and this dog were fighting and Sammi was the underdog. I know you are not supposed to break up a dog fight, but because Sammi is the closest thing we have to a child I was not rational. All I could think was "I have to stop this". I was kicking the dog and screaming ( I know probably making the situation worse) and after a few minutes which seemed like forever I pulled Sammi up by her leash and ran home with this dog jumping on me to get at Sammi. 

Maybe because I am pregnant or because it was traumatic I instantly starting crying....and crying......and crying. Once my adrenaline went down I realized I had been bite. Eventually I regained some composure and called my OB and she eventually recommended I go to the ER. Because I was hysterical Michael left work to come with me. I am fine and my bite is healing nicely. Animal Control has not found the dog yet but the ER did not seem to be concerned about rabies. 

So we finally got home and had some errands to run and some friends were coming over so we got ready for that. Then before they got there we realized Sammi was not acting right. The vet was already closed and so we chalked her weirdness up to her being traumatized. Well as the night went on she kept getting worse, hiding under everything, panting and shaking uncontrollably. Eventually I called the emergency pet line but they recommended we wait until Sunday morning and take her to our vet. They told us to watch her gums and make sure they were pink......the start to a very long night......

Sammi was in a lot of pain, moaning, and crying, and she kept standing on our heads and moving around. Every hour I'm turning on the flash light to look at her gums :)  Needless to say we did not sleep and were worried sick. At 7:30 this morning I was laying there with her on top of me, with her face literally laying on my face, listening to her very labored breathing, thinking "if I will go to all this for a dog I can't imagine what I will do for my child". We eventually did get her to the vet and she was injured pretty bad. She is still acting very strange but is on antibiotics to deal with the infection and pain meds to reduce the pain. 

Anyways the point to this very long story is this.....I've only know you baby for a few weeks and already I know I will go to the ends of the earth for you. I know I will stay up all night when you are sick and fight for you when others try to hurt you. I thank God daily for you and the life you will have. I pray he continues to keep you safe and continues to prepare us to be parents that serve Him by raising you to know Him